2012: Ice Age (2011)

2012 Ice Age

Directed by: Travis Fort
Starring: Patrick Labyorteaux, Julie McCullough, Nick Afanasiev, Katie Wilson

You have to admire The Asylum for their unwavering dedication to cinematic trash. They are truly an exploitation studio for the new millennium. While their films usually are short on most qualities that we usually demand from good movies, The Asylum are cheerily upfront about it. Can’t not love that attitude.

Their latest disaster “epic” is, to get straight to the point, hilarious. I frequently had a big smile on my face as I watched it. Make no mistake, it is still utter crap – but it is so ridiculous that it’s kind of impossible (at least for me) not to like it.

2012: Ice Age is basically The Day After Tomorrow on a shoestring budget. The concept is admirably absurd: volcanic eruptions on Iceland cause a gigantic glacier to come unstuck and throw itself down the American east coast at a roaring 200 miles per hour (!), crushing everything in its path. You might wonder how Iceland can spawn a glacier considerably larger than the island itself, or how the glacier can zoom at blinding speed across 1600 miles of open sea without ever slowing down, but to ponder such minor details is, of course, pointless. Suffice it to say that this one makes The Day After Tomorrow seem pretty realistic.

Scientist Bill Hart is dropping his daughter off at the airport while at the same time communicating with an associate on location in Iceland. As the glacier heads for the United States, Bill grabs his wife and teenage son and heads for New York in order to rescue the daughter. Their perilous journey — dodging huge chunks of flying ice blown off the glacier, fighting their way past massive highway queues and through incessant digital snow, even dealing with a gun-wielding hitchhiker — is intercut with brief glimpses of the military’s efforts to stop the glacier by throwing various forms of explosives at it.

The silly screenplay is nicely complemented by the sometimes confusing editing style, which occasionally makes it a bit difficult to understand what’s going on, or how one shot relates to the next. For instance: a sequence where the glacier hits Newfoundland is preceded by a few shots of what certainly looks a lot like an alpine village. Are there alps on the Eastern seaboard? Does Canada look like Switzerland? Am I just ignorant? In another sequence, we get a wide shot of an emergency shelter populated by Japanese people in breathing masks, but as our heroes enter the Japanese are gone and the shelter is filled with mostly Caucasians — and not a breathing mask in sight. Also, the choice to shoot some action scenes in close-up doesn’t really add to the clarity of the proceedings. As for VFX, they’re standard Asylum quality.

Lead man Labyorteaux frequently appears lost in thought (perhaps wondering how he ended up here). Julie McCullough starts out doing some frantic comedy-style acting before settling down in a role that more or less consists of tagging along. Afanasiev as the son gets several opportunities to show off his best pantomime “OMG, look at that”-face.

I’m not sure if the filmmakers are actively making fun of the Roland Emmerich school of disaster movies, or if the hilarity is just a side-effect of the cheap’n’quick, who-gives-a-crap production style. Whatever the answer, the result is weirdly entertaining in a way that practically defines the concept of “So bad it’s good”.

As for other Asylum disasters, I found Megafault a bit boring, and 2012: Supernova slightly more entertaining. 2012: Ice Age kicks both of their asses. This is a treat for bad film connoisseurs everywhere.

Rating: ?!/5 (Craptastic)

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27 Responses

  1. Chaparradito says:

    Some real words by a director who worked for Asylum:
    “Every time I wrote a line in the script that made the audience aware that we were goofing, they (the producers) told me to remove it, saying, “Hey, be careful with that ironic, sarcastic stuff. This is a serious movie here.”

  2. Goober says:

    This movie looks amazing.

  3. Daniel Martin says:

    THIS IS BY FAR THE WORST FLIM IVE EVERY SEEN IN MY LIFE TRULEY CRAP

  4. Tone says:

    I agree with Daniel, couldnt wait for it to finish, Im just glad I didnt pay to see it. The best part is at the end of the trailer (above) where the cop gets hit with something big and heavy.

  5. Angel0324 says:

    I want my redbox dollar back!!! Not one good actor! Complete bore! Fake as crap! Need I say more!!

  6. ayayay says:

    The best is when they are driving in the motorway, light day…. and suddenly they crash in the middle of a forest at night!! It gets dark amazingly in just 5sec!! And what about the FX when the f-16´s shoot the glaciar?? you are right man, absolutely hilarious. I had to recheck that this film was made in 2011, I simply couldn´t believe it….

  7. Sisi says:

    This is wholy crap! Fake dialogs, story full of flaws…really weird…

  8. betty says:

    OMFG this is the worst piece of shite i have ever laid my eyes on….. the company whom made this seriosly needs give their head a fookin wobble…. worst actin, worst effects….. basically i have seen better effects and actinf from fireman sam and thomas the tank

  9. willow says:

    How many times did they say; are you ok? It’s a disaster all right.

  10. Juke says:

    I think some day this s*it win worst movie ever title..

  11. Allison says:

    It’s speechless for me!!!!! I mean, it’s awful….the worst movie I have ever seen in my life! I was really regret to buy this CD, I even removed the CD out of my DVD player and damaged it immediately…. Aww…..!! so so angry of the STUPID director and producer…. GO TO HELL……!!!

  12. CM says:

    This is the worst movie i’ve seen in my entire life. Netflix please remove from the list of diaster movies.

  13. priya says:

    very nice film

  14. ade says:

    I really `like` so you’ve declared war on the glacier. And come on or i`ll have you arrested;-)

  15. this movie was altogether so bad that it was quite good. the acting was mediocre at times and absolutely horrific at others and the graphics were so bad to a point where my 5 year old daughter commented on how the movie did not look real at all. but if you like this sort of thing you should watch it(:

  16. Michelle says:

    This movie was so bad that I enjoyed it. It was still good the second time when you tried to notice even more mistakes and counted how many times they used the same driving clip. I’m guessing the decent scenery parts are from different movies. The kid is handicapped.

  17. Carrie says:

    Holy crap this movie is absolutely terrible. I’ve watched a lot of awful movies and this one is now on top. Reasons why its bad:
    1. Special effects = crap
    2. acting = crap
    3. plot = somewhat crap
    4. just plain awful.

  18. Pookie bear says:

    They never even hoped the Mexican border this movie looked liked cartoon Garfield this movie is so bad cartoons don’t look shity anymore

  19. Chris S says:

    This movie was the worst! They used airshow clips to show combat and the USAF Thunderbirds were in this movie shooting and in formation with smoke. The same pilot was used for every aircraft no matter what type and terrrible effects… I could do better with 3Ds max on my computer. Actors tried way too hard to perform.

  20. Barbara says:

    Omg, watching it right now, realized it was utter crap!
    All the snow and nothing on the roads! But that’s minor compared to the rest of the horrible fx’s
    So bad you can’t take you’re eyes of it!

  21. 0wning0ddly says:

    Haha waste of my life time. The ice glaciers is basically a big white floating iceberg that doesn’t break apart. Explosions arn’t realistic, it’s basically a big cloud of red that expands then disappears. I mean this would be a good start for someone whose creating a film in University but for an actual tight budget company, please spend your money on a more creative movie. Sorry but I think that this movie was a waste but I guess thats my opinion.

  22. marc says:

    best film ever!!!!!!!

  23. Erin says:

    I love really bad movies. LOVE them. Sort of a hobby. There are two that I couldn’t watch they re so bad. The classic Plan 9 From Outer Space…and this monstrosity. Jeez it’s just so bad.

  24. Crippa says:

    Hey! No badmouthing Plan 9 From Outer Space on this site. 😉

  25. rob says:

    This movie was shit… I am from maine and it makes me mad that maine was in this movie.

  26. thea says:

    Ditto!!! And what happened to all the people from the abandoned cars? Was there some kind of religious rapture?

  1. 2012/02/17

    […] As I have written before, I love these movies, and would happily sit in jammies all day watching them, except that Mom managed to get us tickets to the same Women’s Basketball NESCAC tournament for Saturday at three o’clock.  Still, that will allow three or four hours before, then lunch, a shower, the game, and back for the rest of the day, including a premiere movie called 2012 Ice Age. […]

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